Being Detached, Yet Living Affectionately

The Gurbani enshrined within the the Sri Guru Granth Sahib (SGGS) counsels to strive for affectionate detachment (Bairaag-ਬੈਰਾਗ), and then practice it in daily life.

What’s detachment? Detachment from what? Detachment from the world?

Nothing in the teachings of Guru Nanak, the progenitor Guru of Sikhi, reflects any emphasis on worldly detachment in the sense of renouncing the world entirely. Rather it focuses on avoiding and escaping from the traps of worldly delusions, worldly attractions and their corrupting influences. Instead — to perfect oneself and then the world — it emphasizes adhering to Naam (conformance to Divine Giyan / Virtues / Hukam). Such detachment makes one fearless. It is the fearlessness that empowers one living in harmony with his/her True/Divine Nature (i.e. Jot Saroop) and the world.

• ਅਨਭਉ ਕਿਨੈ ਨ ਦੇਖਿਆ ਬੈਰਾਗੀਅੜੇ ॥ ਬਿਨੁ ਭੈ ਅਨਭਉ ਹੋਇ ਵਣਾਹੰਬੈ ॥੧॥ ਸਹੁ ਹਦੂਰਿ ਦੇਖੈ ਤਾਂ ਭਉ ਪਵੈ ਬੈਰਾਗੀਅੜੇ ॥ ਹੁਕਮੈ ਬੂਝੈ ਤ ਨਿਰਭਉ ਹੋਇ ਵਣਾਹੰਬੈ ॥੨॥ : O the renunciate, the Creator who can only be experienced has never been seen by anyone with physical eyes. The Truth is that the Creator is experienced within only when I am free from worldly fears. ||1|| O the renunciate, when I experience the Creator near at hand, then the revered fear would well up in my mind (then I will obey Hukam). When I harmonize myself with Hukam (the Universal System-Rule-Law of Nature) only then will I truly become fearless. ||2|| (sggs 1104).

That said, detachment (or non-attachment) implies a state of the mind that springs from one’s sense of discriminating intellect (Viveka Budh). This subtle sense of discernment (Viveka Budh) helps one to know the difference between what is right and wrong; what is real and unreal; what is fleeting and permanent; what is Truth and falsehood; and so on.

Emotional attachment (Moh-ਮੋਹ) is created through unfulfilled desires, salted and peppered with fear. Since detachment (Bairaag-ਬੈਰਾਗ) is the opposite of emotional attachment (Moh-ਮੋਹ), the Gurbani’s counsel is to burn the emotional attachment.

• ਤਿਤੁ ਸਰਵਰੜੈ ਭਈਲੇ ਨਿਵਾਸਾ ਪਾਣੀ ਪਾਵਕੁ ਤਿਨਹਿ ਕੀਆ ॥ ਪੰਕਜੁ ਮੋਹ ਪਗੁ ਨਹੀ ਚਾਲੈ ਹਮ ਦੇਖਾ ਤਹ ਡੂਬੀਅਲੇ ॥੧॥ : Our consciousness is immersed in this world-ocean (Bhav Sagar), a treacherous pool where the cooling waters of peace are replaced by the burning fire of Mayaic desires. Mired deep in the heavy mud of worldly attachments, the mortal’s feet lose the strength to walk toward liberation; (Guru Nanak says) I witness humanity sinking into this mud. ||1|| (sggs 12).

Affectionate Detachment

Simply put: Being detachment, yet living affectionately in the world is “Being in the world, but not of it“!

Being detachment, yet living affectionately in the world is the opposite of the violent detachment. It is having a mind open to everything, but attached to nothing. Hence, detachment is an attitude or perspective. It is how we hold ourselves within that really matters. Thus, affectionate detachment is a power! According to the Gurbani, there is a great wisdom in cultivated affectionate detachment — let go of the past; let go of the future; and be right in the moment, here and now!
is the opposite of the violent detachment. It is having a mind open to everything, but attached to nothing. Hence, detachment is an attitude or perspective. It is how we hold ourselves within that really matters. Thus, affectionate detachment is a power! According to the Gurbani, there is a great wisdom in cultivated affectionate detachment — let go of the past; let go of the future; and be right in the moment, here and now!

After cultivating true detachment and right Giyan-Wisdom, even if one lives amidst the worldly activity, he will be detached from it and thus untainted by it, just as the lotus flower is not tainted by the slimy scum it grows in or the eyes of the fish which remain unaffected by the salty sea-water.

• ਸਭ ਕੈ ਮਧਿ ਸਗਲ ਤੇ ਉਦਾਸ ॥ : Remain in the midst of all, and yet detached from all (sggs 296).
• ਨਾਨਕ ਸਤਿਗੁਰਿ ਭੇਟਿਐ ਪੂਰੀ ਹੋਵੈ ਜੁਗਤਿ ॥ ਹਸੰਦਿਆ ਖੇਲੰਦਿਆ ਪੈਨੰਦਿਆ ਖਾਵੰਦਿਆ ਵਿਚੇ ਹੋਵੈ ਮੁਕਤਿ ॥ : O Nanak! Meeting the Satigur (ਸੱਚਾ ਗਿਆਨ) then one learns the perfect Way to live life. (Thus following that) he is liberated while laughing, playing, dressing and eating (i.e. one remains free from worldly temptations and their corrupting influence while living in the world). (sggs 522).
• ਪੁਤ੍ਰ ਕਲਤ੍ਰ ਵਿਚੇ ਗਤਿ ਪਾਈ ॥: Emancipation (ਉੱਚੀ ਆਤਮਕ ਅਵਸਥਾ) is obtained in the midst of children and spouses (i.e., in the midst of family). (sggs 661).

Violent detachment

Violent detachment or renunciation is NOT recommended in the Gurbani — tormenting one’s body with extremes of self-discipline; and running away from one’s life, family, society, world, duties, responsibilities etc. If a person abandons his family and society to go sit on mountain-tops, live in caves, or wander around in jungles etc., his/her slumbering mind attached to Maya will follow him wherever he/she goes!

• ਪੂੰਅਰ ਤਾਪ ਗੇਰੀ ਕੇ ਬਸਤ੍ਰਾ ॥ ਅਪਦਾ ਕਾ ਮਾਰਿਆ ਗ੍ਰਿਹ ਤੇ ਨਸਤਾ ॥ ਦੇਸੁ ਛੋਡਿ ਪਰਦੇਸਹਿ ਧਾਇਆ ॥ ਪੰਚ ਚੰਡਾਲ ਨਾਲੇ ਲੈ ਆਇਆ ॥੪॥ : You worship fire (ਧੂਣੀਆਂ ਤਪਾਂਣਾਂ) and wear saffron colored robes. Smitten by calamity (distress, trouble…), you run away from your home. Leaving your country, you wander in foreign lands. (But your Mayaic mind) brings the five pariahs (i.e. vices/Bikaar: lust, anger, greed, etc.) with it. ||4|| (sggs 1348).
• ਕਾਇ ਜਪਹੁ ਰੇ ਕਾਇ ਤਪਹੁ ਰੇ ਕਾਇ ਬਿਲੋਵਹੁ ਪਾਣੀ ॥ : Why do you do you perform empty rituals of Jap and Tap, and keep doing these fruitless things, as if churning water? (sggs 526).
• ਗੁਰਮੁਖਿ ਜਪ ਤਪ ਸੰਜਮੀ ਹਰਿ ਕੈ ਨਾਮਿ ਪਿਆਰੁ ॥ : For the Gurmukh (enlightened, Guru-Shabad-Oriented), the love of the Divine Naam (conformance to Divine Giyan-Wisdom / Virtues / Hukam) of the Lord is Jap, tap and Sanjam. (sggs 29).

Hence, detachment does not mean abandoning household life, being less sensitive or not loving one’s family etc. Rather detachment makes us more sensitive, and loving without any sense of bondage. Because, when we have the ability to let go, we are warmer, more friendly, more wholesome, more human, and more close to our family and friends.

• ਗਿਆਨ ਵਿਹੂਣਾ ਗਾਵੈ ਗੀਤ ॥ ਭੁਖੇ ਮੁਲਾਂ ਘਰੇ ਮਸੀਤਿ ॥ ਮਖਟੂ ਹੋਇ ਕੈ ਕੰਨ ਪੜਾਏ ॥ ਫਕਰੁ ਕਰੇ ਹੋਰੁ ਜਾਤਿ ਗਵਾਏ ॥ ਗੁਰੁ ਪੀਰੁ ਸਦਾਏ ਮੰਗਣ ਜਾਇ ॥ ਤਾ ਕੈ ਮੂਲਿ ਨ ਲਗੀਐ ਪਾਇ ॥ ਘਾਲਿ ਖਾਇ ਕਿਛੁ ਹਥਹੁ ਦੇਇ ॥ ਨਾਨਕ ਰਾਹੁ ਪਛਾਣਹਿ ਸੇਇ ॥੧॥ : Someone devoid of Divine Giyan-Wisdom becomes a bard and sings hymns (as a source of making living). A hungry Mullah turns his house into a mosque (and uses it to make living). A lazy bum gets his ears pierced (to look like a Yogi). Someone becomes a panhandler and thus loses his social status. Someone proclaims to be a Guru and a Pir (spiritual guide…) but goes begging house to house (for food and money). Don’t ever touch the feet of such (freeloaders, jobless – ਵੇਹਲੜ, ਹੱਡ-ਹਰਾਮ, ਮੰਗਖਾਣਾਂ) person – we should never pay obeisance/reverence and we should never follow and consider such person a Guru or a Pir). Whatever a person eats by earning it with hard work and gives something out of it to the needy; Nanak, only such people know the way  of truthful living (Sachiaar / Hukam oriented). ||1|| (sggs 1245).
• ਜਤੀ ਸਦਾਵਹਿ ਜੁਗਤਿ ਨ ਜਾਣਹਿ ਛਡਿ ਬਹਹਿ ਘਰ ਬਾਰੁ ॥ : (Some) call themselves “Jati” (who think have control on their senses, continent…), and abandon their homes (seeing others doing it), but they do not know the way of life. (sggs 469).

Remaining detached within

Therefore, the Gurbani teaches us to remain detached within: affectionately, while living amidst family and happenings of the world.

• ਅਨਦਿਨੁ ਭਗਤਿ ਕਰਹਿ ਦਿਨੁ ਰਾਤੀ ਘਰ ਹੀ ਮਹਿ ਬੈਰਾਗੀ ॥ : Those who engage in Bhagti day and night remain free from the attachment to Maya even while living as a household. (sggs 768).

Thus, in fact, affectionate detachment makes us more sensitive, more caring, more warmer and friendly, more wholesome, more human, more closer to family, people, and greater love and compassion flow for them through understanding and effortless Wisdom (Sahaj).

• ਦਸ ਬੈਰਾਗਨਿ ਆਗਿਆਕਾਰੀ ਤਬ ਨਿਰਮਲ ਜੋਗੀ ਥੀਏ ॥: (Through the Guru’s Wisdom) when I make ten senses detached, and obedient (to the Guru’s Wisdom), then I become a pure Yogi – free of vices/Bikaar, Mayaic delusion. (sggs 208).

Naam (conformance to Divine Giyan-Wisdom / Virtues / Hukam) transforms the weak mind into the strong. In the Sikhi of Guru Nanak, living by Naam (conformance to Divine Giyan-Wisdom / Virtues / Hukam) is the gist/essence of Sikhi Way of life — Eternal Remedy. It cures all ills of defective mindset, beastly mindset (ਪਸੁ-Pasu), Demonic mindset (ਪ੍ਰੇਤ-Preyt), UN-enlightened mindset (ਮੁਘਦ-Mughad) ego hardened mindset (ਪਾਥਰ-Pathar), Manmukh-Saakat-Mayadhaaree mindset, and so on. Without Naam the mind cannot be subdued. And in the face of an unrestrained mind, worldly possessions, wealth, powers etc are shallow. The victims of unrestrained mind are weak. They can conquer others but not themselves.

• ਨਾਨਕ ਨਾਮਿ ਰਤੇ ਸੇ ਸਚੇ ਬੈਰਾਗੀ ॥੧॥ : O Nanak! Those are truly detached who are attuned to the Divine Naam (conformance to Divine Giyan-Wisdom / Virtues / Hukam). ||1|| (sggs 1246).

That said, a real spiritual person is not a killjoy. After developing a detached attitude through the Gurmat (Giyan-Wisdom, Upadesh or Way of the SGGS…), the Gurbani teaches us that even if one lives amidst the worldly activity, he/she will be unattached from it and thus remain untainted, just as the lotus remains untainted by the slimy scum it grows in (“ਜੈਸੇ ਜਲ ਮਹਿ ਕਮਲੁ ਨਿਰਾਲਮੁ”).

Maya cannot be transcended without detachment

• ਮਨੁ ਸੋਇਆ ਮਾਇਆ ਬਿਸਮਾਦਿ ॥ : The mind is asleep, fascinated by Maya (sggs 182).
• ਬਿਨੁ ਬੈਰਾਗ ਨ ਛੂਟਸਿ ਮਾਇਆ ॥੧॥ : Without detachment, (hunger or love of) Maya cannot be gotten rid of. ||1|| (sggs 329).

Jagat (material world) and its enchanting attractions overpower the mortals rather easily. Our attachment to the worldly possessions and objects (with a sense of belonging) feed our Haumai (false ego-sense).

However, the fleeting nature of the worldly possessions and objects can disturb the mind and ruin anybody’s day. Those who have become  Gurmukhs (enlightened, Guru-Shabad-Oriented) knows this very well.

• ਐਸਾ ਜੋਗੁ ਕਮਾਵਹੁ ਜੋਗੀ ॥ ਜਪ ਤਪ ਸੰਜਮੁ ਗੁਰਮੁਖਿ ਭੋਗੀ ॥੧॥ ਰਹਾਉ ॥ : O Yogi! Practice such a Yoga, that while living as a householder, if you become the Gurmukh (Enlightened, Guru Shabad-Oriented) then this would be your Japa, Tapa, and Sanjam. ||1||Pause|| (sggs 970).
• ਸਚਿ ਰਤੇ ਸਦਾ ਬੈਰਾਗੀ ਹਉਮੈ ਮਾਰਿ ਮਿਲਾਵਣਿਆ ॥੪॥: Those who are attuned to the Creator, remain detached forever. Subduing their false-ego-sense they realize the Creator within. ||4|| (sggs 117).

The Gurbani draws our attention to the fact that mere spiritual knowledge is of no consequence and that the purpose of this knowledge is to cultivate the Divine  Virtues, and life life accordingly to attain a state of detachment.

• ਕਬੀਰ ਤਰਵਰ ਰੂਪੀ ਰਾਮੁ ਹੈ ਫਲ ਰੂਪੀ ਬੈਰਾਗੁ ॥ ਛਾਇਆ ਰੂਪੀ ਸਾਧੁ ਹੈ ਜਿਨਿ ਤਜਿਆ ਬਾਦੁ ਬਿਬਾਦੁ ॥੨੨੮॥ : Kabir, the Divine Naam (conformance to Divine Giyan-Wisdom / Virtues / Hukam) is like a tree which yields the fruit of detachment from worldly allurements and their corrupting influences. The Guru’s follower (the Gurmukh) who has renounced useless worldly arguments is like the shade of this tree. ||228|| (sggs 1376).

Although, detachment is the key to real Spiritual Unfoldment, however, our Mayaic mind’s preoccupation, is always concerned with undue worldly pursuits and sensory pleasures. Unless one develops dispassion for undue emotional attachment to material pleasures and material comforts, his dependence on them will impel him to more and more reactionary thoughts and actions and, thereby, fueling his anxiety, frustration, desires and fear in the process.

• ਕਰਿ ਬੈਰਾਗੁ ਤੂੰ ਛੋਡਿ ਪਾਖੰਡੁ ਸੋ ਸਹੁ ਸਭੁ ਕਿਛੁ ਜਾਣਏ ॥ : (O mind!) Become detached, and renounce hypocrisy (of your superficial Bairaag or Pakhand); the Divine knows everything (from within you). (sggs 440).
• ਦੁਬਿਧਾ ਵਿਚਿ ਬੈਰਾਗੁ ਨ ਹੋਵੀ ਜਬ ਲਗੁ ਦੂਜੀ ਰਾਈ ॥: There cannot be detachment in duality, as long as there is even a particle of duality. (sggs 634).

Ending

Bhagat Kabeer says know you are connected to the Guru (Shabad) if your mind’s ailment (of vices/Bikaar) of the worldly attachment is effaced. In a nutshell, the difficulties are within one’s own mind. Once a person understands and become aware of this, one can begin the process of removing his/her inner weaknesses. Only the inner silence, stillness, and relaxation (Sahaj Avastha, intuitively balanced mind…) that we gain through life conforming to Naam will help to really wake up and become conscious of everything that happens, both within and without.

• ਕਬੀਰ ਗੁਰੁ ਲਾਗਾ ਤਬ ਜਾਨੀਐ ਮਿਟੈ ਮੋਹੁ ਤਨ ਤਾਪ ॥ ਹਰਖ ਸੋਗ ਦਾਝੈ ਨਹੀ ਤਬ ਹਰਿ ਆਪਹਿ ਆਪਿ ॥੧੮੯॥ : O Kabir! One is known to have been Connected with the Guru’s Giyan-Wisdom, only when his (Mayaic) attachment and physical agony are eradicated. When no pleasure or sorrow tortures one’s mind, then that is a state of mind when God seems to be pervading everywhere. ||189|| (sggs 1374).
• ਜਾਲਿ ਮੋਹੁ ਘਸਿ ਮਸੁ ਕਰਿ ਮਤਿ ਕਾਗਦੁ ਕਰਿ ਸਾਰੁ ॥ ਭਾਉ ਕਲਮ ਕਰਿ ਚਿਤੁ ਲੇਖਾਰੀ ਗੁਰ ਪੁਛਿ ਲਿਖੁ ਬੀਚਾਰੁ ॥ ਲਿਖੁ ਨਾਮੁ ਸਾਲਾਹ ਲਿਖੁ ਲਿਖੁ ਅੰਤੁ ਨ ਪਾਰਾਵਾਰੁ ॥੧॥ : O my Conscience (mind), burn attachment and convert it into ink, and turn yourself into a blank paper (to write on). O my mind, make the Divine Love Your writing pen; consult the Shabad Guru’s Giyan–Wisdom within, and write my Spiritual destiny. (O my mind) write Divine Naam (conformance to Divine Giyan-Wisdom / Virtues / Hukam), and write the greatness of the Limitless and Fathomless Creator in my Spiritual Destiny. ||1|| (sggs 16).

The Giyan-Wisdom of the Sri Guru Granth Sahib provides us with a proper attitude or perspective of right detachment, leading to liberation while alive, here and now (Jeevan Mukti-living dead). Aptly, the Gurbani never gets tired of reminding us that mere talk (“ਗਲੀ’) or mere ritualistic reading or seeing of the SGGS will not do the trick!

• ਗੁਰ ਕੈ ਸਬਦਿ ਅਰਾਧੀਐ ਨਾਮਿ ਰੰਗਿ ਬੈਰਾਗੁ ॥ : Through the Gur-Shabad, adore the Naam (conformance to Divine Giyan-Wisdom / Virtues / Hukam); with such affection, detachment (wells up in the mind). (sggs 1425).
• ਜੋਗੁ ਨ ਭਗਵੀ ਕਪੜੀ ਜੋਗੁ ਨ ਮੈਲੇ ਵੇਸਿ ॥ ਨਾਨਕ ਘਰਿ ਬੈਠਿਆ ਜੋਗੁ ਪਾਈਐ ਸਤਿਗੁਰ ਕੈ ਉਪਦੇਸਿ ॥੬੪॥ : Yoga or Union with God cannot be attained by just wearing saffron robes (like a yogi or renunciate) or by wearing dirty clothes (like a beggar). Nanak, we can attain Union with God (Yog) even while sitting in our own home (leading family life) by following the Message of the Satgur (Shabad Guru). ||64||(sggs 1421).

Some Related Posts:

• Pujaaree’s Sikhi vs. Guru Nanak’s Sikhi
• Understanding Guru Nanak
• Sikhi: a New ‘Way’ of Life
• Gurbani Defines Naam
• Naam Seva
• Naam Simran
• Becoming Sachiaar–ਕਿਵ ਸਚਿਆਰਾ ਹੋਈਐ
• Guru in Sikhi!
• True Renunciation
• Gurbani Defines True Yoga and Yogi
• Be in the World, but not of the World!
• Shabad Based Householder’s Life
• Fear exists only in Mind
• Fearlessness
• Battle of Life is Waged Moment to Moment
• Ailments of the mind and Gurmat
• What is Maya?
• Nature of Mayaic Delusion
• Duality – There is no Second
• Vices / Bikaar
• O Wandering Mind! Come Home
• Enchanting World-Picture
• Slave of the Senses
• Realize Enlightening Message Embedded within Shabad
• Gurbani is not Meant to Repeat Pre-1469 Belief System
• Crowds Follow the Path of Hypocrisy