Householder or Bairaagee

The Gurbani speaks at the level of the mind. Hence, the Wisdom of the Gurbani is meant to Awaken the mind (change Soch or thinking) from the perpetual slumber of delusion. Since the Gurbani speaks at the level of the mind, it’s beyond man-made religions (ਮਜਹਬ), fanaticism, antagonistic adherents, robes, race, social status, caste, education, titles, color of skin, ancestry, region or geography, family of birth, heredity, and so on.

Householder = ਗ੍ਰਹੀ, ਘਰ-ਗ੍ਰਿਹਸਤੀ ਵਾਲਾ, ਘਰ-ਬਾਰੀ, one who lives the householder’s life, the head of a household…

Bairaagee (ਬੈਰਾਗੀ) = Recluse, a hermit, anchorite, renunciate, retired from the society, detached from the world, ਤਿਆਗੀ, ਉਪਰਾਮੀ, ਉਦਾਸੀ…

We all hear this assertion that the Gurbani encourages family-life (ਘਰ-ਗ੍ਰਿਹਸਤੀ…). But that’s only half the story. That is, to live as a householder, the Gurbani has specified a very specific and strict condition that needs be satisfied. For example:

  • ਕਬੀਰ ਜਉ ਗ੍ਰਿਹੁ ਕਰਹਿ ਤ ਧਰਮੁ ਕਰੁ ਨਾਹੀ ਤ ਕਰੁ ਬੈਰਾਗੁ ॥: Kabeer, if you embrace or live the householder’s life, then practice Dharma; otherwise, (i.e., if you are going to stay engrossed in Mayaic efforts instead…) you might as well retire from the world (i.e., do Bairaag-ਇਸ ਨੂੰ ਤਿਆਗਣਾ ਹੀ ਭਲਾ ਹੈ). (sggs 1377).

As indicated in the foregoing verse, if one chooses the life of a householder, he must practice Dharma, Understand the Gurbani, and live the Gurmat (Aatam Giaan-ਆਤਮ ਗਿਆਨ) in all situations.

  • ਸੋ ਗਿਰਹੀ ਜੋ ਨਿਗ੍ਰਹੁ ਕਰੈ ॥ ਜਪੁ ਤਪੁ ਸੰਜਮੁ ਭੀਖਿਆ ਕਰੈ ॥ He alone is a householder, who restrains his passions (ਇੰਦ੍ਰਿਆਂ ਨੂੰ ਵਿਕਾਰਾਂ ਵਲੋਂ ਰੋਕਣਾ); and begs for Jap (to Understand the Gurbani or Gurmat…), Tapa (to make the mind live the Gurmat…), and Sanjam (self-discipline, to restrain the mind from Bikaar, ਮਨ ਨੂੰ ਬਿਕਾਰਾਂ ਵਲੋਂ ਰੋਕਣਾਂ…). (sggs 952).

Now, what’s practicing Dharma? in nutshell, it’s to live by the Divine Hukam (Law of Nature, Wisdom, Virtues, Truth, ਭਾਣੇ ਵਿਚਹ ਰਹਣਾਂ). In other words, it’s to live the Divine Life (the Gurmukh Lifestyle) – walking in the Way of  Truth (ਸਚ); remaining firmly attuned to the Joti-Svaroopa within (Mool, Source, True Nature or Jot Saroop, etc.)…

If one cannot commit himself to Dharma, instead, if one is going to remain submerged in the Mayaic efforts, then, the Gurbani says, that person should consider Bairaag instead.

Who does the Gurbani consider a true is Bairaagee? Real Bairaagee is not who has renunced (ਤਿਆਗ) or given up what one thinks one loves or cherishes. But the truth is that we cannot give up anything!

  • ਹੋਇ ਉਦਾਸੀ ਗ੍ਰਿਹੁ ਤਜਿ ਚਲਿਓ ਛੁਟਕੈ ਨਾਹੀ ਨਾਠਾ ॥੧॥: Hoi udaasee grihu taji chalio shutakai naahee naathaa ||1||: (One) becomes a renunciate (ਦੁਨੀਆ ਵਲੋਂ ਉਪਰਾਮ), abandons his home and walks out on (his) family, but (his) wandering impulses (ਭਟਕਣਾ) do not leave (him) ||1|| (sggs 1003).

Real Bairaagee, according to the Gurbani, is:

  • ਜੋ ਮਨੁ ਮਾਰਹਿ ਆਪਣਾ ਸੇ ਪੁਰਖ ਬੈਰਾਗੀ ਰਾਮ ॥: Those who conquer their minds are Bairaagee. (sggs 569).
  • ਸੇ ਜਨ ਬੈਰਾਗੀ ਸਚਿ ਲਿਵ ਲਾਗੀ ਆਪਣਾ ਆਪੁ ਪਛਾਣਿਆ ॥: They are Bairaagee who have lovingly focused their consciousness on realizing their own self. (sggs 569).
  • ਸੋ ਅਉਧੂਤੀ ਜੋ ਧੂਪੈ ਆਪੁ ॥: He alone is a detached hermit, who burns away his self-conceit (sggs 952).
  • ਸੋ ਸੰਨਿਆਸੀ ਜੋ ਸਤਿਗੁਰ ਸੇਵੈ ਵਿਚਹੁ ਆਪੁ ਗਵਾਏ ॥: He alone is a Sanyasi, who serves the Satigur (Giaan or Knowledge of Truth) and removes his self-conceit from within (sggs 1013).

However, there is also a condition attached to the life of a Bairaagee. That is, if one chooses to live a life of a Bairaagee, that person must not get involved in worldly entanglements (Mayaic efforts, Bikaar – lust, anger, greed, etc.). If he does, then, the Gurbani says, he will be the most unfortunate person (a person of great misfortune – ਮੰਦ ਭਾਗੀ – ਬੜੀ ਬਦ-ਕਿਸਮਤ ਵਾਲਾ; ਉਹ ਕਿਸੇ ਥਾਂ ਜੋਗਾ ਨਹੀ…).

  • ਮਨੁ ਸੋਇਆ ਮਾਇਆ ਬਿਸਮਾਦਿ ॥: The mind is asleep, fascinated by Maya (sggs 182).
  • ਦੇਸੁ ਛੋਡਿ ਪਰਦੇਸਹਿ ਧਾਇਆ ॥ ਪੰਚ ਚੰਡਾਲ ਨਾਲੇ ਲੈ ਆਇਆ ॥੪॥: Leaving your country, you wander in foreign lands. (But your Mayaic mind) brings the five pariahs (Bikaar: lust, anger, greed, etc.) with it. ||4|| (sggs 1348).
  • ਬੈਰਾਗੀ ਬੰਧਨੁ ਕਰੈ ਤਾ ਕੋ ਬਡੋ ਅਭਾਗੁ ॥੨੪੩॥: If a Bairaagee (someone who has renounced the world) gets involved in worldly entanglements (Mayaic efforts, ਮਾਇਆ ਦਾ ਜੰਜਾਲ, ਬੰਧਨ…), he is very unfortunate (great is his misfortune, ਮੰਦ ਭਾਗੀ – ਉਸ ਦੀ ਬੜੀ ਬਦ-ਕਿਸਮਤੀ ਸਮਝੋ; ਉਹ ਕਿਸੇ ਥਾਂ ਜੋਗਾ ਨਾ ਰਿਹਾ…). ||243|| (1377).

He is said to be person of great misfortune, because – by being a Bairaagee if he still messes with Mayaic efforts or Bikaar – then, he misses out both Maya and Raam!

Clearly, such person, on account of duality and doubts (Dubidha, ਭਰਮ…) has no real understanding (ਸੂਝ-ਬੂਝ) of both Bairaag and household. Consequently, as the proverbial expression goes, his condition is comparable to the launderer’s dog, etc.: “ਧੋਬੀ ਦਾ ਕੁੱਤਾ ਨ ਘਰ ਦਾ ਨ ਘਾਟ ਦਾ”; “ਮਾਇਆ ਮਿਲੀ ਨਾ ਰਾਮ”; “ਨਾ ਇੱਧਰ ਦਾ ਨਾ ਉੱਧਰ ਦਾ”…

  • ਮਮਤਾ ਮੋਹੁ ਕਾਮਣਿ ਹਿਤਕਾਰੀ ॥ ਨਾ ਅਉਧੂਤੀ ਨਾ ਸੰਸਾਰੀ ॥੧॥: (If one is) attached to the affection (of Maya…) and the love of woman (lust…). You are neither a renunciate (anchoret, ਤਿਆਗੀ…), nor a family man (ਗ੍ਰਿਹਸਤੀ). ||1|| (sggs 903).
  • ਇਕਿ ਕੰਦ ਮੂਲੁ ਚੁਣਿ ਖਾਹਿ ਵਣ ਖੰਡਿ ਵਾਸਾ ॥ ਇਕਿ ਭਗਵਾ ਵੇਸੁ ਕਰਿ ਫਿਰਹਿ ਜੋਗੀ ਸੰਨਿਆਸਾ ॥ ਅੰਦਰਿ ਤ੍ਰਿਸਨਾ ਬਹੁਤੁ ਛਾਦਨ ਭੋਜਨ ਕੀ ਆਸਾ ॥ ਬਿਰਥਾ ਜਨਮੁ ਗਵਾਇ ਨ ਗਿਰਹੀ ਨ ਉਦਾਸਾ ॥: Some pick and eat fruits and roots, and live in the wilderness. Some wander around wearing saffron robes, as Yogis and Sanyasis. But there is still so much desire within them-they still yearn for clothes and food (i.e., sense pleasures). They waste their lives uselessly; they are neither householders nor renunciates. (sggs 140).

The Gurbani tells the hypocrites (ਪਖੰਡੀ) to shed hypocrisy (ਪਖੰਡ).

  • ਕਰਿ ਬੈਰਾਗੁ ਤੂੰ ਛੋਡਿ ਪਾਖੰਡੁ ਸੋ ਸਹੁ ਸਭੁ ਕਿਛੁ ਜਾਣਏ ॥: (O mind!) Become detached, and renounce hypocrisy (of your superficial Bairaag or Pakhand); the Divine knows everything (from within you). (sggs 440).

The Gurbani wants us to become the Gurmukh. The Gurbani asserts that a Gurmukh attains Yoga (Union with Brahm-Giaan, Mool, Jot Saroop or True Nature…) through the practice of Shabad-Vichaar, NOT by mere talk (“ਗਲੀ”).

  • ਧੰਨੁ ਗਿਰਹੀ ਉਦਾਸੀ ਗੁਰਮੁਖਿ ਗੁਰਮੁਖਿ ਕੀਮਤਿ ਪਾਏ ਜੀਉ ॥੫॥: Blessed is the Gurmukh — (he) is the householder and the renunciate. The Gurmukh knows the Value (of Divine life). ||5|| (sggs 131).
  • ਗੁਰਮੁਖਿ ਜੋਗੁ ਕਮਾਵੈ ਅਉਧੂ ਜਤੁ ਸਤੁ ਸਬਦਿ ਵੀਚਾਰੀ ॥੨੦॥: O hermit! By becoming the Gurmukh, (one) practices Yoga; to contemplate or reflect on the Shabad (Gur-Giaan or Wisdom) is his abstinence and truth ||20|| (sggs 908).
  • ਐਸਾ ਜੋਗੁ ਕਮਾਵਹੁ ਜੋਗੀ ॥ ਜਪ ਤਪ ਸੰਜਮੁ ਗੁਰਮੁਖਿ ਭੋਗੀ ॥੧॥ ਰਹਾਉ ॥ O Yogi! Practise such a Yoga. (That) living a household (family) life, become the Gurmukh (i.e., live life per the Wisdom of the Gurbani – ਗੁਰੁ ਦੇ ਗਿਆਨ ਦੇ ਨਾਲ ਜੀਵਨ ਜੀਉਂ); this is the Japa, Tapa, and Sanjam. ||1||Pause|| (sggs 970).

In nutshell, the Gurbani asks to strive for affectionate detachment (Bairaag-ਬੈਰਾਗ) while living in the middle of happenings of the world, but practice it in daily household life.

  • ਨਾਨਕ ਘਰਿ ਬੈਠਿਆ ਜੋਗੁ ਪਾਈਐ ਸਤਿਗੁਰ ਕੈ ਉਪਦੇਸਿ ॥: O Nanak, Yoga (Union) is obtained even while sitting in your own home, by following the Satgur’s Teachings (Giaan or Wisdom). (sggs 1421).
  • ਨਾਮਿ ਰਤੇ ਘਰ ਮਾਹਿ ਉਦਾਸਾ ॥: Attuned to the Naam, remain detached within your own home (sggs 16).

5 replies on “Householder or Bairaagee”

Thank you for this enlightening post. I am still confused about how the householder life differs from that of a bairaagi? The two have the same conditions – if one is a householder, they must be a dharami person and uninfluenced by Maya. If they are unable to do this, they are better off being a bairaagi.. but this state of being also has the same conditions as that of a householder – they must be uninfluenced by maya but this is not possible without being dharmi first… so if a bairaagi is someone who is dharami and out of maya, and a householder is a dharami and out of maya… what is the difference? I hope this makes sense. Thank you again.

is it really possible to lead a life of Bairaaga. Some people say that desire is natural and inescapable. is it possible to run from Nature??

Thank you Bj Randhawa ji for taking time to comment on this post.

is it really possible to lead a life of Bairaaga…

According to the Gurbani, yes: though difficult(“Kathan”), but it is possible for the “Gurmukh”:
•ਜਨ ਨਾਨਕ ਇਹੁ ਖੇਲੁ ਕਠਨੁ ਹੈ ਕਿਨਹੂੰ ਗੁਰਮੁਖਿ ਜਾਨਾ ॥੨॥੧॥: Jan Nanak ihu khelu kathanu hai kinahoon gurmukhi jaanaa ||2||1|| (sggs 219).

Also, the Gurbani asserts that without Bairaag, Maya cannot be gotten rid of (cannot be liberated from Mayaic efforts, Mayaic Trishanaa, Mayaic desires, etc.) :
•ਬਿਨੁ ਬੈਰਾਗ ਨ ਛੂਟਸਿ ਮਾਇਆ ॥੧॥: Binu bairaag n shootasi maya ||1|| (sggs 329).

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