True Lover

True Love is the key to True Happiness (Aatmic Anand – ਆਤਮਿਕ ਆਨੰਦ …): ਸਾਚ ਕਹੋਂ ਸੁਨ ਲੇਹੁ ਸਭੈ ਜਿਨ ਪ੍ਰੇਮ ਕੀਓ ਤਿਨ ਹੀ ਪ੍ਰਭ ਪਾਇਓ ॥: Saach kahon sun lehu sabhai jin prem keeo tin hee prabh paaio (Dasam Granth 42).

But, we have 2 basic differences in love – selfish love and selfless love. The mundane or worldly love is selfish. The Gurbani boldly declares that in this material world “all are concerned only with their own happiness” (ਜਗਤ ਮੈ ਝੂਠੀ ਦੇਖੀ ਪ੍ਰੀਤਿ ॥ ਅਪਨੇ ਹੀ ਸੁਖ ਸਿਉ ਸਭ ਲਾਗੇ ਕਿਆ ਦਾਰਾ ਕਿਆ ਮੀਤ ॥੧॥ ਰਹਾਉ ॥ Jagat mai jhoothee dekhee preeti. Apane hee sukh siou sabh laage kiaa daaraa kiaa meet. ||1|| rehaao ||, sggs 536).

Selfless love is “rare”. Because, as the Gurbani says, those who (by becoming the Gurmukhs ) understand (ਸੂਝ-ਬੂਝ, Giaan …) this Truth are also very “rare” in this world.

To put it otherwise, selfish love is the love of Maya (duality …). And the selfless love is the love of the One, for the sake of the One (ਹੋਰੁ ਸਭ ਪ੍ਰੀਤਿ ਮਾਇਆ ਮੋਹੁ ਕਾਚਾ ॥: Horu sabh pareeti Maya mohu kaachaa, sggs 164).

Thus, the very definition of the True Love is that it can never be selfish. It is Divine. If love is motivated by selfishness, then it cannot be a True Love.

Selfish love is a mundane business. There is give and take in it – though very little “give” (if any), but more “take”. Such crooked and sneaky love is always in flux – goes up and down depending on whether things are going “good” or “badly” in life. As indicated in the Gurbani, this sort of love is a mundane trade.

On the other hand, in selfless love, there is no “take” – there is only “give”. Such True Love does not fluctuate. According to the Gurbani, those who are immersed in such Pure Love are the True Lovers.

The Gurbani sums it up so beautifully as follows:

  • ਸਲੋਕੁ ਮਹਲਾ ੨ ॥ ਏਹ ਕਿਨੇਹੀ ਆਸਕੀ ਦੂਜੈ ਲਗੈ ਜਾਇ ॥ ਨਾਨਕ ਆਸਕੁ ਕਾਂਢੀਐ ਸਦ ਹੀ ਰਹੈ ਸਮਾਇ ॥ ਚੰਗੈ ਚੰਗਾ ਕਰਿ ਮੰਨੇ ਮੰਦੈ ਮੰਦਾ ਹੋਇ ॥ ਆਸਕੁ ਏਹੁ ਨ ਆਖੀਐ ਜਿ ਲੇਖੈ ਵਰਤੈ ਸੋਇ ॥੧॥: Salok Mahalaa 2. Eh kinehee aasakee …||1|| (sggs 474).

Accordingly, love is meaningless if it is motivated by selfishness (Mayaic calculations – ਨਫੇ ਨੁਕਸਾਨ ਦਾ ਲੇਖਾ ਜੋਖਾ …). In other words, selfish love is just soulless. And a soulless person cannot be a True Lover.

However, as the Gurbani indicates, in the True Love, the Lover forgets his false self-identity (Aapaa-Bhaav: ਆਪਾ-ਭਾਵ). For he is desireless.

The false self (Haumai) is crooked, deluded, ruled by subtle and sneaky Bikaars (lust, anger, greed, etc.). In other words, a false lover is ever preoccupied with gratifying his senses or worldly desires.

  • ਆਸਕੁ ਆਸਾ ਬਾਹਰਾ ਮੂ ਮਨਿ ਵਡੀ ਆਸ ॥: Aasaku aasaa baaharaa moo mani vadee aas (sggs 1100).

Nevertheless, the Haumai mind (devoid of Aatam-Giaan, Spiritual Wisdom …), always thinks that it can gratify all mundane desires (which is impossible) and at the same time it can Realize the True Love or the Truth!

If pure Love is pure Giaan (Aatam-Giaan, Divine Knowledge, pure Awareness, Wisdom, Virtues ….), then the false love is ignorance (ਅਗਿਆਨਤਾ, Maya’s hunger …), which causes depression, stress, regrets, “burn” (torching of one’s Spiritual life, Divine Knowledge, Virtues – ਆਤਮਕ ਜੀਵਨ, ਗਿਆਨ, ਗੁਣ ਜਾਲ ਕੇ ਸੁਆਹ ਕਰ ਲੈਣੇਂ …), and so on.

  • ਦੁਨੀਆ ਕੇਰੀ ਦੋਸਤੀ ਮਨਮੁਖ ਦਝਿ ਮਰੰਨਿ ॥: Dunieeaa keree dosatee manmukh dajhi maranni (sggs 755).


  1. Thanks for taking the time to comment on this posts.

    Prem Padaarath = Giaan Padaarath, Naam Dhann
    Which is Realized by becoming the Gurmukh, Reflecting on the Mool (ਮੂਲ) …

    ਪ੍ਰੇਮ ਪਦਾਰਥੁ ਪਾਈਐ ਗੁਰਮੁਖਿ ਤਤੁ ਵੀਚਾਰੁ ॥: Prem Padaarath paaeeai Gurmukhi tatu veechaaru (sggs 61).
    ਪਾਖੰਡਿ ਪ੍ਰੇਮੁ ਨ ਪਾਈਐ ਖੋਟਾ ਪਾਜੁ ਖੁਆਰੁ ॥੧॥: Paakhandi prem n paaeeai khotaa paaju khuaaru (sggs 54).

  2. Prem is both way.
    fish has prem with water but water has no prem with fish
    bhvra has prem with flower but flower has no prem with bhvra

    gursikh has prem with guru and guru has prem with gursikh

    in gurbani prem word is used for gursikh and guru.

    pl. update me if i am wrong in understading the meaning of prem. I have written what i have observed .

  3. Satkar jog gurmukh T.Singh jio
    ‘Prem’ te ‘Pyar’ de vich farak hai Prem vich dena hi dena hunda hai te Pyar vich kuch lain di ichha vi hundi hai. Is karke Prem selfless love hai te Pyar selfish love hai.
    Manmukha de man di jhuthi yari sansar naal hundi hai te gurmukha de man di sachi yaari usde apne mool(chit) naal hundi hai. is sachi yaari karke gurmukh sansar vich vi sacha prem hi vanda hai te badle vich kuch nahi lainda.
    ਸਾਚ ਕਹੋਂ ਸੁਨ ਲੇਹੁ ਸਭੈ ਜਿਨ ਪ੍ਰੇਮ ਕੀਓ ਤਿਨ ਹੀ ਪ੍ਰਭ ਪਾਇਓ
    guru sahib ne ithe Prem lafz use kita hai pyar nahi.


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