True Love and Lover

When we hear this term ‘love‘ (‘ਆਸ਼ਕੀ’-Aashakee, Ishak muhabat-ਇਸਕ ਮੁਹਬਤ, Prem-ਪ੍ਰੇਮ…), what immediately comes to the mind is a picture of a man and a woman having the fleeting lusty pleasure rising from a purely flesh-fleshy biological function! That’s a ‘Mizazee Ishak‘. Desiring another or lusting for them is not love, and neither is sex, love.

That’s not the subject matter of the Gurmat Giyan-Wisdom of the Sri Guru Granth Sahib (SGGS). The subject matter of the Gurbani enshrined within the SGGS is the divine Love (‘Hakeekee Ishak‘).

Divine Love — ‘Hakeekee Ishak‘ — is an unconditional outpouring of positive energy. Those who are in ‘Hakeekee Ishak‘ or love, do so without knowing why or without a motive. The moment we expect something in return it becomes a business transaction, and a transaction is always about give and take, which is a matter of the worldly mind.

In a nutshell, the SGGS talks about a life of selfless love or divine Love (‘Hakeekee Ishak‘):

• a Gurmukh (Enlightened/Guru-Shabad-Oriented) State of the Mind,
• an embellished life (ਸੰਵਰੀ ਹੋਈ ਜਿੰਦਗੀ),
• committed life unconcerned about shame of the worldly people (ਲੋਕ ਲਾਜ),
• a life of sacrifice/care/compassion/friendliness,
• a life of Braveheart,
• a life of Divine Virtues (ਗੁਣ),
• a life of Giyan-Wisdom-Bibek,
• a life of Truth,
• a life of being Sachiaaraa,
• a Hukam-Oriented life,
• a life of high spirit (ਚੜਦੀ ਕਲਾ),
• a life of knowing own self;
• a life free of falsehood,
• a life free of flattery (ਚਾਪਲੂਸੀ),
• a life free of trickery/pretending /‘Parpanch’ / ‘Pakhand’ / imitation,
• a life free of dominance of false ego-sense (Haumai),
• a life free of sense-slavery,
• a life free of dominance of vices/Bikaar,
• a mind free of ‘Sootak‘, and so on.

That said, Such true love is a matter of realization or personal experience.

• ਜਉ ਤਉ ਪ੍ਰੇਮ ਖੇਲਣ ਕਾ ਚਾਉ ॥ ਸਿਰੁ ਧਰਿ ਤਲੀ ਗਲੀ ਮੇਰੀ ਆਉ ॥ ਇਤੁ ਮਾਰਗਿ ਪੈਰੁ ਧਰੀਜੈ ॥ ਸਿਰੁ ਦੀਜੈ ਕਾਣਿ ਨ ਕੀਜੈ ॥੨੦॥ : If you desire to play this game of Divine Love, then step on the Way to me after completely shedding your false ego-sense (Haumai). One should step onto this path (of Love) only when one is ready with complete surrender (of false ego-sense) without any hesitation. ||20|| (sggs 1412).
• ਜਾ ਕੋ ਪ੍ਰੇਮ ਸੁਆਉ ਹੈ ਚਰਨ ਚਿਤਵ ਮਨ ਮਾਹਿ ॥ ਨਾਨਕ ਬਿਰਹੀ ਬ੍ਰਹਮ ਕੇ ਆਨ ਨ ਕਤਹੂ ਜਾਹਿ ॥੮॥ : Whose object of life is the Love of God, Keeps the Divine Wisdom in mind. Nanak, they are true lovers of God, and do not go anywhere else. ||8|| (sggs 1364).

The Gurbani enshrined within the SGGS counsels us if there is selfishness, self-serving motives etc there can be NO True Love. If there is greed then love is false (Jhooth, Koorh-ਝੂਠ, ਕੂੜ! When turned into a commodity and a tool, love gets abused, twisted and tortured.

• ਫਰੀਦਾ ਜਾ ਲਬੁ ਤਾ ਨੇਹੁ ਕਿਆ ਲਬੁ ਤ ਕੂੜਾ ਨੇਹੁ ॥ ਕਿਚਰੁ ਝਤਿ ਲਘਾਈਐ ਛਪਰਿ ਤੁਟੈ ਮੇਹੁ ॥੧੮॥ : O Farid, if there is greed (selfishness etc.) then it is not true love, because any love motivated by greed is false. Just as during rain one can pass only so much time under a broken thatched hut (similarly selfish, self-serving or greedy love will not last long, it will break when worldly need is not met). ||18|| (sggs 1378).
• ਸੁਣਿ ਬਾਵਰੇ ਤੂ ਕਾਏ ਦੇਖਿ ਭੁਲਾਨਾ ॥ ਸੁਣਿ ਬਾਵਰੇ ਨੇਹੁ ਕੂੜਾ ਲਾਇਓ ਕੁਸੰਭ ਰੰਗਾਨਾ ॥ : Listen, O crazy person, looking at the worldly riches and power (Maya), why are you forgetting the righteous way of life – accepting things at their face value? Listen, O crazy person! You are attached to the false love which is like the color of a safflower. (sggs 777).
• ਨੀਹੁ ਮਹਿੰਜਾ ਤਊ ਨਾਲਿ ਬਿਆ ਨੇਹ ਕੂੜਾਵੇ ਡੇਖੁ ॥ : (O God) my love is with You; I have seen that love with any other is false (selfish, transitory, not without motives…). (sggs 1094).

Consider the following verses, and particularly let’s pay attention to the term ‘ਦਾਗੇ-Daagae‘ in the following Shabad. This practice of ‘Daagan’ is dehorning process – removing the horns of livestock when their horn buds are burned or cut out, never to comeback. The Gurbani urges us to burn (‘Daagan’) vices/Bikaar so they don’t reappear.

• ਦਾਗੇ ਹੋਹਿ ਸੁ ਰਨ ਮਹਿ ਜੂਝਹਿ ਬਿਨੁ ਦਾਗੇ ਭਗਿ ਜਾਈ ॥ ਸਾਧੂ ਹੋਇ ਸੁ ਭਗਤਿ ਪਛਾਨੈ ਹਰਿ ਲਏ ਖਜਾਨੈ ਪਾਈ ॥੩॥ : These who have burned (their Bikaar: lust, anger, greed, etc. with Virtues /  Wisdom ) fight bravely the battle of life, and those without it run away (i.e. are taken over by Bikaar/vices and thus lose the battle of life). One who becomes ‘Saadhoo‘ (i.e. Bhagat, Daas, Jan or Gurmukh Mindset), appreciates the worth of Bhagti and Realizes the Creator within. ||3|| (sggs 970).
• ਗੁਰਮੁਖਿ ਸਚੀ ਆਸਕੀ ਜਿਤੁ ਪ੍ਰੀਤਮੁ ਸਚਾ ਪਾਈਐ ॥ : Those who have become Gurmukh (Enlightened mind with the spirituality of the Shabad), within them is the true love (for God); through which they Realize God Within. (sggs 1422).

We can have such true love for the Gurmat (Giyan-Wisdom of the SGGS), for the Universal Creator and Hukam, Nature or environment, for parents, children, friends, spouses, neighbors, humanity (ਇਨਸਾਨੀਅਤ) etc.

• ਰਤੇ ਇਸਕ ਖੁਦਾਇ ਰੰਗਿ ਦੀਦਾਰ ਕੇ ॥ ਵਿਸਰਿਆ ਜਿਨ੍ਹ੍ਹ ਨਾਮੁ ਤੇ ਭੁਇ ਭਾਰੁ ਥੀਏ ॥੧॥ ਰਹਾਉ ॥ : Those who are immersed in the love of Universal God and imbued with the divine vision (they are the real human beings). But those who have forgotten the Naam are just a burden on earth ||Pause|| (sggs 488).
• ਮੁਹਬਤਿ ਜਿਸੁ ਖੁਦਾਇ ਦੀ ਰਤਾ ਰੰਗਿ ਚਲੂਲਿ ॥ ਨਾਨਕ ਵਿਰਲੇ ਪਾਈਅਹਿ ਤਿਸੁ ਜਨ ਕੀਮ ਨ ਮੂਲਿ ॥੧॥ : One who is in love with God, is fully permeated with the feeling of His deep love. The worth of such a person can not be estimated; Nanak, such persons are found very rarely. ||1|| (sggs 966).
• ਰਤੇ ਸੇਈ ਜਿ ਮੁਖੁ ਨ ਮੋੜੰਨਿੑ ਜਿਨੑੀ ਸਿਞਾਤਾ ਸਾਈ ॥ ਝੜਿ ਝੜਿ ਪਵਦੇ ਕਚੇ ਬਿਰਹੀ ਜਿਨ੍ਹ੍ਹਾ ਕਾਰਿ ਨ ਆਈ ॥੧॥ : Only those persons are considered truly imbued with the love of the Creator who do not turn away from the Creator and have realized Him. But the immature lovers don’t know the way of love, and they keep breaking from the love of the Creator like the raw and weak fruits fall from a tree. ||1|| (sggs 1425).

But, it’s like chewing steel balls, racing along the razor’s edge or climbing uphill! Nonetheless, the True Love is the key to True Happiness (Anand or Bliss…).

However, we have two basic differences in love — the selfish love and the selfless love. The selfish love is the love of Maya (duality, illusion, worldly attractions …) which gets us unhappy, stressed, depressed, regretful, disoriented, restless etc. The worldly love is selfish (Mizaaee Ishak). Fittingly, the Gurbani teaches us that in this material world ‘all are concerned only with their own happiness‘:

• ਜਗਤ ਮੈ ਝੂਠੀ ਦੇਖੀ ਪ੍ਰੀਤਿ ॥ ਅਪਨੇ ਹੀ ਸੁਖ ਸਿਉ ਸਭ ਲਾਗੇ ਕਿਆ ਦਾਰਾ ਕਿਆ ਮੀਤ ॥੧॥ ਰਹਾਉ ॥ : In this world, I have seen love to be false. Whether they are spouses or friends, all are concerned only with their own happiness. ||1||Pause|| (sggs 536).
• ਜਾਲਉ ਐਸੀ ਰੀਤਿ ਜਿਤੁ ਮੈ ਪਿਆਰਾ ਵੀਸਰੈ ॥ ਨਾਨਕ ਸਾਈ ਭਲੀ ਪਰੀਤਿ ਜਿਤੁ ਸਾਹਿਬ ਸੇਤੀ ਪਤਿ ਰਹੈ ॥੨॥ : Burn down (root out) those customs (rituals, routine of life, traditions, system etc.) that may lead to forget the divine Beloved. Nanak, only that Love is good (virtuous Way of life) through which Connection with God is maintained within. ||2|| (sggs 590).

On the other hand, the selfless love (Hakeekeee Love) is for the sake of the One. When we understand Guru Nanak’s concept of One (ੴ ), then we know that the One in me is the One in ALL:

• ਹੋਰੁ ਸਭ ਪ੍ਰੀਤਿ ਮਾਇਆ ਮੋਹੁ ਕਾਚਾ ॥ : All other love and attachment to Maya are false. (sggs 164).
• ਦਿਲਹੁ ਮੁਹਬਤਿ ਜਿੰਨ੍ਹ੍ਹ ਸੇਈ ਸਚਿਆ ॥ ਜਿਨ੍ਹ੍ਹ ਮਨਿ ਹੋਰੁ ਮੁਖਿ ਹੋਰੁ ਸਿ ਕਾਂਢੇ ਕਚਿਆ : They alone are the true lovers of God, who love Him from the core of their Heart. But those, within whose mind is something other than what they utter are called the fake or unfaithful lovers. ||1|| (sggs 488)..

According to the SGGS, only those who develop the Gurmukh Mindset (Enlightened/Guru Shabad-Oriented State of the Mind) realize it. But such beings are said to be very ‘rare‘ in this world! In other words, True Love is very rare in this world.

• ਮੁਹਬਤੇ ਮਨਿ ਤਨਿ ਬਸੈ ਸਚੁ ਸਾਹ ਬੰਦੀ ਮੋਚ ॥੧॥ ਰਹਾਉ ॥ : O Eternal Creator, the deliverer from the worldly bondage, Your love is enshrined in my mind and body. ||1||Pause|| (sggs 724).
• ਲਾਗੀ ਹੋਇ ਸੁ ਜਾਨੈ ਪੀਰ ॥ ਰਾਮ ਭਗਤਿ ਅਨੀਆਲੇ ਤੀਰ ॥੧॥ ਰਹਾਉ ॥ : The one who feels pain of separation from or yearning for God, knows what it is like. Because This pain of God’s Bhagti is like suffering the pain of sharp arrows. ||1||Pause|| (sggs 327).

Thus, the very definition of the True Love is that it can never be selfish. If love is motivated by selfishness or conditions, then it cannot be a True Love. In other words, selfish love is just mindless, and a mindless person cannot be a True Lover!

Selfish love is a conditional business transaction. There is give and take in it — though very little ‘give’ (if any), but more ‘take’! Such crooked and sneaky love is always in flux — goes up and down depending on whether things are going ‘good’ or ‘badly’ in life. As we are taught in the Gurbani, this sort of love is a mundane trade.

On the other hand, in selfless love, there is no ‘take’ — there is only ‘give’. In other words, to be a True Lover means ‘I have something or I have something extra that I am going to give’!

That said, in True Love there is unconditional surrender, submission, merging into the other…

Such True Love does not fluctuate. According to the Gurbani, those who are immersed in such unconditioned Love are the True Lovers.

Also, if a lover fixes his mind on someone else besides the beloved, then his/her love cannot be called a True Love. The Gurbani sums it up so beautifully as follows:

• ਏਹ ਕਿਨੇਹੀ ਆਸਕੀ ਦੂਜੈ ਲਗੈ ਜਾਇ ॥ ਨਾਨਕ ਆਸਕੁ ਕਾਂਢੀਐ ਸਦ ਹੀ ਰਹੈ ਸਮਾਇ ॥ ਚੰਗੈ ਚੰਗਾ ਕਰਿ ਮੰਨੇ ਮੰਦੈ ਮੰਦਾ ਹੋਇ ॥ ਆਸਕੁ ਏਹੁ ਨ ਆਖੀਐ ਜਿ ਲੇਖੈ ਵਰਤੈ ਸੋਇ ॥੧॥ : What sort of love is that, which clings to another (i.e. other than the Universal Creator)? Nanak, he alone is called a lover, who remains forever immersed in the love/memory of his Beloved (Creator). But one who feels happy only when good things happen, and rejects when things go badly. (Such person) cannot be called a true lover if he/she behaves in calculated love (i.e. deals in business like manner). ||1|| (sggs 474).
• ਮੁਚੁ ਅਡੰਬਰੁ ਹਭੁ ਕਿਹੁ ਮੰਝਿ ਮੁਹਬਤਿ ਨੇਹ ॥ ਸੋ ਸਾਂਈ ਜੈਂ ਵਿਸਰੈ ਨਾਨਕ ਸੋ ਤਨੁ ਖੇਹ ॥੨॥ : There may be ostentatious display of wealth and everything else, and in the love for these material possessions, if one has forsaken God, O Nanak, the body of that person is like ashes. ||2|| (sggs 707).

Therefore, love is meaningless if it is motivated by Mayaic calculations etc. (ਨਫੇ ਨੁਕਸਾਨ ਦਾ ਲੇਖਾ ਜੋਖਾ).

• ਸਭੇ ਕੰਤ ਮਹੇਲੀਆ ਸਗਲੀਆ ਕਰਹਿ ਸੀਗਾਰੁ ॥ ਗਣਤ ਗਣਾਵਣਿ ਆਈਆ ਸੂਹਾ ਵੇਸੁ ਵਿਕਾਰੁ ॥ ਪਾਖੰਡਿ ਪ੍ਰੇਮੁ ਨ ਪਾਈਐ ਖੋਟਾ ਪਾਜੁ ਖੁਆਰੁ ॥੧॥ : All Jeeva (individual beings) belong to God, all adorn themselves to please God. But those who show off their adornment motivated by selfishness, Mayaic calculations (ਨਫੇ ਨੁਕਸਾਨ ਦੀ ਗਿਣਤੀ-ਮਿਣਤੀ), their such hypocritical love or adornment is useless. They cannot win the Love of God by showing off (if there is falsehood inside and there is false display of love outside), such hypocritical show brings only ruin. (sggs 53-54).

However, the Gurbani teaches us that in the True Love, the Lover forgets his false self-identity (Aapaa-Bhaav: ਆਪਾ-ਭਾਵ). For he/she is selfless.

• ਦਿਲ ਦਰਵਾਨੀ ਜੋ ਕਰੇ ਦਰਵੇਸੀ ਦਿਲੁ ਰਾਸਿ ॥ ਇਸਕ ਮੁਹਬਤਿ ਨਾਨਕਾ ਲੇਖਾ ਕਰਤੇ ਪਾਸਿ ॥੧॥ : The person who keeps a watch over his mind (to ensure that it is not misled by false worldly attractions and their corrupting influences), is a true Spiritual Seeker. Nanak, account of one’s pursuits of love is with the Creator – i.e. everything is within Divine Hukam (the Law of consequences…). ||1|| (sggs 1090).

False self (Haumai) is crooked, deluded, doubt ridden, ruled by subtle and sneaky vices/Bikaars. In other words, a false lover is always preoccupied with sense-slavery.

• ਆਸਕੁ ਆਸਾ ਬਾਹਰਾ ਮੂ ਮਨਿ ਵਡੀ ਆਸ ॥: The true lover is without worldly desires/expectations, but in my mind desire/expect a lot. (sggs 1100).
• ਭੋਰੀ ਭਰਮੁ ਵਞਾਇ ਪਿਰੀ ਮੁਹਬਤਿ ਹਿਕੁ ਤੂ ॥ ਜਿਥਹੁ ਵੰਞੈ ਜਾਇ ਤਿਥਾਊ ਮਉਜੂਦੁ ਸੋਇ ॥੧॥ : If just for a moment you give up doubt and have true love for the Universal Creator, then wherever you go, you Will find Him present there. ||1|| (sggs 322).
• ਜਿਨ੍ਹ੍ਹਾ ਮੁਹਬਤਿ ਇਕ ਸਿਉ ਤੇ ਮਾਣਸ ਪਰਧਾਨ ॥੨॥ : They who bear true love for the One (Creator), are alone the Pardhaan persons ||2|| (sggs 1102).

Nevertheless, Haumai-ridden mind (false ego-sense) lacking Wisdom / Virtues, always thinks that it can gratify all mundane desires and at the same time it can experience the True Love. NOT possible!

• ਜਾਲਿ ਮੋਹੁ ਘਸਿ ਮਸੁ ਕਰਿ ਮਤਿ ਕਾਗਦੁ ਕਰਿ ਸਾਰੁ ॥ ਭਾਉ ਕਲਮ ਕਰਿ ਚਿਤੁ ਲੇਖਾਰੀ ਗੁਰ ਪੁਛਿ ਲਿਖੁ ਬੀਚਾਰੁ ॥ ਲਿਖੁ ਨਾਮੁ ਸਾਲਾਹ ਲਿਖੁ ਲਿਖੁ ਅੰਤੁ ਨ ਪਾਰਾਵਾਰੁ ॥੧॥ : O my Conscience (mind), burn attachment and convert it into ink, and turn yourself into a blank paper (to write on). O my mind, make the Divine Love Your writing pen; consult the Shabad Guru’s Giyan–Wisdom within, and write my Spiritual destiny. (O my mind) write Divine Naam (Wisdom / Virtues / Hukam), and write the greatness of the Limitless and Fathomless Creator in my Spiritual Destiny. ||1|| (sggs 16).

Pure Love signifies pure Wisdom (Virtues, Awareness, etc.). To the contrary, the false love signifies ignorance (ਅਗਿਆਨਤਾ…) that causes ‘burn’ ( i.e. torching of Spiritual life and divine Virtues…), and so on.

• ਨਦੀ ਤਰੰਦੜੀ ਮੈਡਾ ਖੋਜੁ ਨ ਖੁੰਭੈ ਮੰਝਿ ਮੁਹਬਤਿ ਤੇਰੀ ॥ ਤਉ ਸਹ ਚਰਣੀ ਮੈਡਾ ਹੀਅੜਾ ਸੀਤਮੁ ਹਰਿ ਨਾਨਕ ਤੁਲਹਾ ਬੇੜੀ ॥੧॥ : While crossing the world-river (Bhav Sagar), my foot doesn’t get stuck in the slush of attachment because within me is the anchor of Your love (I remain above temptations while transacting with the world). Nanak, O God, my mind is attached to Your Feet; You act as a raft and boat to take me across. ||1|| (sggs 520).
• ਦੁਨੀਆ ਕੇਰੀ ਦੋਸਤੀ ਮਨਮੁਖ ਦਝਿ ਮਰੰਨਿ ॥ : Making worldly friendships (the love of Maya), the Manmukhs burn and die (destroy their spiritual life). (sggs 755).
• ਮਨਮੁਖ ਸਉ ਕਰਿ ਦੋਸਤੀ ਸੁਖ ਕਿ ਪੁਛਹਿ ਮਿਤ ॥ ਗੁਰਮੁਖ ਸਉ ਕਰਿ ਦੋਸਤੀ ਸਤਿਗੁਰ ਸਉ ਲਾਇ ਚਿਤੁ ॥ : O friend! (Tell me) if you make friendship with the Manmukhs, how can you ask for Peace (ਆਤਮਕ ਆਨੰਦ)? Make friends with the Gurmukhs, and focus your consciousness on the Satigur (True Wisdom-ਸੱਚਾ ਗਿਆਨ). (sggs 1421).

Some Related Posts:

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• Step onto my Path with Your Head in Hand
• Gurbani Says First Accept Death!
• Guru in Sikhi!
• False Ego-Sense Kills our Original Nature
• Falsehood cannot Propagate Truth
• Develop Partnership with Virtues
• Realize Enlightening Message Embedded within Shabad
• Unique Gurmat Bhagti
• Crowds follow the path of Falsehood, Pakhand…
• Sheepish Mentality – People See, People do
• Core of Gurmat Spirituality – Becoming Sachiaar – ਕਿਵ ਸਚਿਆਰਾ ਹੋਈਐ
• Gobind in Me is Gobind in All
• Guru Nanak’s concept of ‘God’
• Realize God’s Presence Within
• Purpose of Human Birth
• Rabid Dog and Greed
• The Gurmukh Never Grows Old!
• Non-Gurmukh Mindset – Manmukh, Saakat, Mayadhaaree.
• Gurbani on Absurdity of Conflicts among Man-Made Religions
• Looking Pious and Mahatma Outside but Fraud Inside
• World is Consumed by Hidden Fire
• Duality – There is no Second