FLATTERY - PLEASING PEOPLE

The Gurbani is indeed a complete and perfect Guide for proper living (a Gurmukh lifestyle) — it even covers theme such as flattery! "Flattery will get you nowhere" says a proverbial expression. Also, we are told from the childhood "to beware" of flatterers for the flattery is a sweet poison. In other words, the flattery must be avoided at any cost. Accordingly, the Gurbani urges anyone aspiring to reach God should try to please only God, not His people.

• ਦੁਨੀਆ ਨ ਸਾਲਾਹਿ ਜੋ ਮਰਿ ਵੰਞਸੀ ॥ ਲੋਕਾ ਨ ਸਾਲਾਹਿ ਜੋ ਮਰਿ ਖਾਕੁ ਥੀਈ ॥੧॥ ਵਾਹੁ ਮੇਰੇ ਸਾਹਿਬਾ ਵਾਹੁ ॥ ਗੁਰਮੁਖਿ ਸਦਾ ਸਲਾਹੀਐ ਸਚਾ ਵੇਪਰਵਾਹੁ ॥੧॥ ਰਹਾਉ ॥ ਦੁਨੀਆ ਕੇਰੀ ਦੋਸਤੀ ਮਨਮੁਖ ਦਝਿ ਮਰੰਨਿ ॥ ਜਮ ਪੁਰਿ ਬਧੇ ਮਾਰੀਅਹਿ ਵੇਲਾ ਨ ਲਾਹੰਨਿ ॥੨॥ ਗੁਰਮੁਖਿ ਜਨਮੁ ਸਕਾਰਥਾ ਸਚੈ ਸਬਦਿ ਲਗੰਨਿ ॥ ਆਤਮ ਰਾਮੁ ਪ੍ਰਗਾਸਿਆ ਸਹਜੇ ਸੁਖਿ ਰਹੰਨਿ ॥੩॥ ਗੁਰ ਕਾ ਸਬਦੁ ਵਿਸਾਰਿਆ ਦੂਜੈ ਭਾਇ ਰਚੰਨਿ ॥ ਤਿਸਨਾ ਭੁਖ ਨ ਉਤਰੈ ਅਨਦਿਨੁ ਜਲਤ ਫਿਰੰਨਿ ॥੪॥: Duniya na saalaahi jo mar vanjhasee...: Do not praise the world; it will simply pass away. Do not praise other people; they will die and turn to dust. || 1 || Praise only my Lord. As a Gurmukh, forever praise the One who is forever True, Independent and Carefree. || 1 || Pause || Making worldly friendships (the love of Maya), the Manmukhs (self-willed ...) burn and die (destroy their spiritual life - ਆਤਮਕ ਜੀਵਨ ਸਾੜ ਕੇ ਸੁਆਹ ਕਰ ਲੈਂਦੇ ਹਨ). At the door of death, they suffer; this opportunity (human life) will never come again. || 2 || The lives of the Gurmukhs (spiritual beings) are fruitful and blessed; they are committed to the True Shabad. Their souls are illuminated by the Lord, and they dwell in Peace and Joy. || 3 || Those who forget the Word of the Gur-Shabad are engrossed in the love of duality. Their hunger and thirst never leave them, and night and day, they wander around burning || 4 ||(sggs 755).
• Too gaafal mashau marad Yazadaan hiraas. Ki o beniaaz asat o bepisaas: Do not be careless, recognize the Lord, who is averse to greed and flattery (Guru Gobind Singh Jee, Zafarnaamaa 70).
• ਤਜਿ ਕਾਮੁ ਕ੍ਰੋਧੁ ਅਨਿੰਦ ਨਿੰਦਾ ਪ੍ਰਭ ਸਰਣਾਈ ਆਇਆ ॥: Taj kaam krodhh anind nindaa prabh saranaaee aaiaa: Renouncing lust, anger, flattery and slander, enter the Sanctuary of God (sggs 461).
• For there is no faithfulness in their mouth; their inward part is very wickedness; their throat is an open sepulchre; they flatter with their tongue (Bible, Psalms, ch. V, v. 9).
  

Flattery is very pleasing to our ego (Haume). Ego wants attention. Flattery is that attention, which tells you your own opinion. On account of this false ego-sense, the ego-mind delights having flatterers around for they further fuel and inflate this ego. But in reality, flatterers only "plunder" us. Although, due to unawareness, we do not realize this truth at the time we are being flattered (truth tastes bitter to our ego), but we pay for our folly by a late repentance. French classical author François de la Rochefoucauld says, "Flattery is false coin that is only current thanks to our vanity."

• ਲਬੁ ਲੋਭੁ ਬੁਰਾ ਅਹੰਕਾਰੁ ॥ ਲਾੜੀ ਚਾੜੀ ਲਾਇਤਬਾਰੁ ॥ ਮਨਮੁਖੁ ਅੰਧਾ ਮੁਗਧੁ ਗਵਾਰੁ ॥ ਲਾਹੇ ਕਾਰਣਿ ਆਇਆ ਜਗਿ ॥ ਹੋਇ ਮਜੂਰੁ ਗਇਆ ਠਗਾਇ ਠਗਿ ॥ ਲਾਹਾ ਨਾਮੁ ਪੂੰਜੀ ਵੇਸਾਹੁ ॥ ਨਾਨਕ ਸਚੀ ਪਤਿ ਸਚਾ ਪਾਤਿਸਾਹੁ ॥੧੩॥: Lab lobh buraa ahankaar. Laarree chaarree laaitabaar. Manmukh andhaa mugadh gavaar. Laahae kaaran aaiaa jag. Hoi majoor gaiaa thagaai thag. Laahaa naam poonjee vesaahu. Nanak sachee pat sachaa paatsaah ||13||: Tastes of the tongue (ਜੀਭ ਦਾ ਚਸਕਾ), greed, and egotism are bad. Slander, commendation (false praise, etc.), and gossip (these are also all bad); the self-willed Manmukh (who practices all these) is blind, foolish and ignorant (i.e, he does not know what's right in life). For the sake of earning the (Spiritual) Profit, the mortal comes into the world. But he becomes a serf (of Maya), and is mugged by the mugger (Maya). One who earns the profit of the Naam, with the capital of faith,O Nanak, is truly honored by the True Supreme King ||13|| (sggs 931).
• ਲੋਕ ਮੁਹਾਵਹਿ ਚਾੜੀ ਖਾਹਿ ॥: Lok muhaavahi chaarree khaahi: They (Kal Yugi Jeeva, deluded beings) plunder the people, and engage in gossip and flattery (sggs 951).
• "We love flattery, even though we are not deceived by it, because it shows that we are of importance enough to be courted." ( Ralph Waldo Emerson).
• The skilful class of flatterers praise the discourse of an ignorant friend and the face of a deformed one ( Decimus Junius Juvenal, Satires III, 86).
• No adulation; 'tis the death of virtue; who flatters, is of all mankind the lowest (Hannah More, Daniel).

As far as the flatterer is concerned, he is a Manmukh, unfaithful and wicked being (worldly, ego or material being). A Flatterer is a man that tells you what your bloated false ego-sense wants to hear. He will not tell you his own opinion or truth. Thus, flattery, knavery, imitation, untruthfulness, deception, falsehood, etc. are one and the same. Accordingly, the person who likes flattery is vulnerable from all sides. A flatterer is no one's friend. In truth it is said that he is a vicious wolf looking as a friendly dog.

• ਪਰਾਈ ਬਖੀਲੀ ਕਰਹਿ ਆਪਣੀ ਪਰਤੀਤਿ ਖੋਵਨਿ ਸਗਵਾ ਭੀ ਆਪੁ ਲਖਾਹਿ ॥: Paraaee bakheelee karehi aapanee paratheeth khovan sagavaa bhee aap lakhaahi: They gossip about others, and lose their credit, and expose themselves as well (sggs 852).
• ਅਸੰਖ ਕੂੜਿਆਰ ਕੂੜੇ ਫਿਰਾਹਿ ॥: asankh koorriaar koorre firaahi: Countless liars, wandering lost in their lies (sggs 4).

Therefore, the Gurbani asks us to give up flattery and beware of the flatterers for they are liars — their words are malicious. Instead, the Gurbani urges us to engage in praising the One Lord. But, as we know, it is easier and handier for a worldly man (Manmukh) to flatter than to praise. The quality of life that a person leads is what is important. Leading a virtuous life is what God wants. Flattery is the opposite of virtues.

• ਸਚੁ ਸਾਲਾਹੀ ਅਵਰੁ ਨ ਕੋਈ ॥: Sach saalaahee avar na koee: Praise the True One, and no other (sggs 120).
• ਨਿੰਦਾ ਚਿੰਦਾ ਕਰਹਿ ਪਰਾਈ ਝੂਠੀ ਲਾਇਤਬਾਰੀ ॥: Nindaa chindaa karahi paraaee jhoothee laaitabaaree: You slander and praise others; you indulge in lies and gossip (sggs 155).
• ਵਿਣੁ ਨਾਵੈ ਹੋਰੁ ਸਲਾਹਣਾ ਸਭੁ ਬੋਲਣੁ ਫਿਕਾ ਸਾਦੁ ॥: Vin naavai hor salaahanaa sabh bolan fikaa saad: Without the Name, all other praise and speech is insipid and tasteless (sggs 301).
• ਕੀਤਾ ਕਿਆ ਸਾਲਾਹੀਐ ਕਰਿ ਦੇਖੈ ਸੋਈ ॥: Keetaa kiaa saalaaheeai kar dekhai soee: Why should anyone praise any other created being? That Lord creates and takes care (sggs 1012).
• ਮਹਾ ਪੁਰਖਾ ਕਾ ਬੋਲਣਾ ਹੋਵੈ ਕਿਤੈ ਪਰਥਾਇ ॥ ਓਇ ਅੰਮ੍ਰਿਤ ਭਰੇ ਭਰਪੂਰ ਹਹਿ ਓਨਾ ਤਿਲੁ ਨ ਤਮਾਇ ॥੮॥ ਗੁਣਕਾਰੀ ਗੁਣ ਸੰਘਰੈ ਅਵਰਾ ਉਪਦੇਸੇਨਿ ॥ ਸੇ ਵਡਭਾਗੀ ਜਿ ਓਨਾ ਮਿਲਿ ਰਹੇ ਅਨਦਿਨੁ ਨਾਮੁ ਲਏਨਿ ॥੯॥: Mahaa purkhaa kaa bolanaa hovai kitai parthaai...: The speech of the great spiritual beings has a higher purpose. They are filled to over-flowing with Ambrosial Nectar (Of Naam), and they have absolutely no greed at all. || 8 || The virtuous accumulate virtue, and teach others. Those who meet with them are so very fortunate; night and day, they chant the Naam || 9 || (sggs 755).

— T. Singh
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